Pookys Page

mommy just asked if the chicken bones don't count...

the chicken bones! thats like running a gauntlet!

more like cheese in a cage actually. i mean, what am i supposed to do. why do people think chicken's have bones in the first place!? its for cats. its a cat delicacy! but hooomans don't get it!

so they throw my chicken bones away and i have to go through all sorts of trouble in the end to get them and then, after all that effort, what happens! i get shouted at and rapped on my bottom!!!

that spoils the chicken bones completely! because, even though they're good, i know i'm going to get shouted at for eating them, so i don't really enjoy it at all...!!

so no, the chicken bones don't count. its a horrible trick played on me by fate!

really...!

i just have to get this out! i have to get this out of my system:

what is it with HUMANS and FEEDING!??

are they morons? are they?! if they are, please tell me and then i'll know and won't expect any more of them than to wipe their bottoms and stuff food in their faces.

didn't the get the manual! where IS the manual! in egypt you had to STUDY to HAVE THE PRIVILEDGE (PRIVELEDGE!) of entering in a cats presence! yes! you didn't know that? not surprised! dumb humans have lost so many docuements and scriptures... surprised they still know where their genetals are when they go to the bathroom...!

but all that could, perhaps, be forgiven if they could just get one. thing. right.

feeding times.

you, human (tall, hairless, clumsy thing) feed us whenever we ask for it.

simple isn't it?

SO WHY CAN'T THEY GET IT RIGHT!!!

lets not lose our cool here. let me regain my compusure. a quick lick - okay...

yes. whenever we ask for it. do you think we LIKE asking and begging and crying for food? would you? do other people? and yet when you see the poor starving children in africa you go "oh, shame...!" and yet daily cats are being starved to do death in the very homes of their slaves! right under the noses of the very ones who should be taking care of us! and if i hear one more human say to me "well, if i could understand what you're saying i'd give it to you"! shut up! what do you think we're saying?! what could we possibly be saying! you only have two jobs! feeding and cleaning. (i won't class giving attention as an actual job because you're so useless at it that if we considered you on that function alone you'd be fired) so... if dah tray isss emptee... thenn it must mean FEEEDDD US YOU IDIOT!!!!

i don't even know why i'm trying to explain myself, though... i mean, isn't it obvious? when we talk we want food? what else could we want? we're certainly not trying to talk to you about anything else other than food. or ask you how your dumb human day was...

some of my friends are thinking about starting to talk human in order to get more food but i always dissuade them - that way madness lies (you think i'm joking!). of course we could speak human if we wanted to. we do sometimes behind your backs, in order to make fun of you. but if you knew we could speak human and understand you...! oh, the horror! then we'd have to hear all your problems and listen to EVERYTHING you had to say and you'd want to converse with us... it'd be the most boring thing on this planet... it would kill me. it really would. to have to converse with a sub-intelligent specie like a human...

and another thing! "whenever" also means any time. unlike you lazy neanderthals, we may be awake at any time in a day, be it 5 in the morning or 11 at night. thats because we have much thinking to do. now what really peeves my and what i really don't understand is this nonsense of 2 or 3 times a day?! what!? have you ever heard anything more ridiculous in your life!? we're not people! you are! you eat 3 times a day. us, being cats, a superior race, have learnt that eating small portions at regular intervals is much healthier for our bodies.

but its just torture really. its cruel. we're naaht huu-maannns stooopid...

would you make a lion eat 3 times a day from a bowl?! a cow?! don't say its different! why not make monkeys wear clothes then? and force zebras to drive cars?!

you know what? i'm sitting her and my mind has just gone blank. i'm so livid that i can't think anymore. its driven me to distraction! plus i'm hungry! the last meal i had was 8 this morning! its 4:45!! what is this?! aushwitz!?

how can i be expected make an intelligent post if i can't even think from starvation!?!

food!!

FOOODD!!!

FOOODDD!!!

FOOD YOU IDIOT HUMAN!!!

well, today's not been too bad so far...

at the moment i'm lying on the bed next to daddy. i had a wash about an hour ago... although i think i'll need another - just hold on! - just had to lick that tuft of hair! yes, i think i'll have another bath soon...

mommy just bought a laptop with the internet, so i'm having a great time searching mice and mice and fish! and ... mice and... well, otherwise the internet is pretty stupid.

except for livejournal, of course. although, not many people seem to read it... unappreciated as always.

daddy is sitting next to me at the moment. he's on the computer again. what does he do on that for so long?!?! he spends ages on it. personally i don't think he has much of a brain and so needs to read things to fill his head. its like a brain-attachment for him. poor daddy.

he shouted at me this morning... it was hardly my fault though. mommy had a funny five and locked me in the kitchen. she must've felt bad because she gave me the bag with the chicken bone in it. it was quite yummy, but then as i was trying to eat it i knocked it into some dust. stupid dust. stupid parents for not cleaning up too...

anyway, mommy must've not told daddy that she gave the chicken bone to me, 'cause when he got up he shouted at me. well, he didn't quite shout... he pointed his finger and gave me an angry look! a mind-shout kind of thing...

but he has his uses. if it weren't for him i couldn't sit on the nice and comfy bed now! 'cause if he isn't home they close the bedroom door - as if i'm going to do something in their bedroom...! and he's warm too, so i can sit on him! and sometimes his skin smells all yummy, so i lick his hands! although mommy doesn't like that again... really! daddy doesn't mind it, but mommy does! then mommy doesn't mind something and daddy does... some consistency please!

anyway, i think i'll pop to the loo quick and see if theres anything doing.

miao

I haven't updated at all recently. Not much has been going on. Sadly the man who makes yummy smelling food is moving out. Thats a shame.

My sister Columbus went to an all night party last night. My female human was really worried. I promised Columbus I'd cover for her. Luckily she came in this afternoon and my humans have no idea where she'd been. he he!!

My new icon for bad days!!! grr.....

I haven’t written recently. Being a cat can be sooooo tiring. Laying about all day, so much thinking to be done. And I know its extremely important for us cats to get our beauty sleep. Not that I NEED it but I like to conform to the cat laws.

Recently I have been visiting lots of new people. My human lets me out from time to time. I find that jumping in through open hatches makes me very popular. I have even made myself at home on someone elses bed!! Its an exciting adventure. But my human gets upset. Also, I’ve removed my tag around my neck. I am not a number, I’m a real cat. But again, my human gets upset.

I have also found an ingenious way of stealing food. If I sneak my paw in then no one seems to mind. They just giggle because they say it looks funny. So I sit and lean over with my paw, grab the food and cause a riot. It means I get to taste some very tasty food.

I’ve had some flea problems recently. They really irritate. My humans did give me something but these damned things keep coming back. I hate them.

Anyway, as I said, it’s a difficult life being a cat. I must go and sleep now. This has taken it out of me.

Last night Mummy human had lots of friends over. There was lots of lovely smelling food going around. I managed to try something new. It was called an Aubergine. It was very tasty.

I also got lots of fusses and attention. It was fun.

During my humans morning routine she always has the box of pictures on. This morning I noticed they were talking about pets and cosmetic surgery for pets. I think this is wrong. Why would anyone want to change the way their pet looked. I am the most beautiful of pussy cats. My human wouldn't change me for the world.

Me in a bag :)

I haven’t written much lately. I suppose its because nothing much has been going on. The usual sleeping and eating. My human has finally bought some delicious food so I’m enjoying it again.

But the last couple of days have been a treat indeed. It all started on Monday. My human came home with a collar. I hate collars but I know it means I’ll be going out. Wooo hooo!!! I’ve got a new name tag and a little note inside saying “Pooky wanders into places. If you find her in your house please call me. Do not feed her”. Do not feed her!? What is my human thinking? DO feed me it should say. Feed me lots and lots, and make sure its fish.

Anyway, yesterday was the first day out. It wasn’t the best weather so I stayed under cover as much as I could. I found a brilliant spot under one of those things that carries humans. They smell bad but they are very warm. I rolled around in dirt. I ate some spiders. I chased a bird but it got away. I had a great time. I was very worn out by the time my human let me in.

But then she didn’t want to cuddle me. It was very upsetting. She said I smelt! How could she? She wouldn’t let me sit on her nice bed or cosy up in her duvet. I smelt. Really!

Today Columbus and I went out again. Although I didn’t feel like it as much. I tried to run back inside but the door was shut on me. You may have guessed that I’m back inside now. The outdoors is fun but not all day.

Here are some photos taken by jackiesjottings when she visited my human.

I look a bit scraggy. I suffer from bad eyes sometimes. Its cleared up now.

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I'm not grumpy!! :)


My human had a bag of something very nice smelling. Needless to say I didn't get any of it. :(

ooow, aching tummy. My sister and I are unwell. My human has been cleaning up all morning. Columbus had an accident in the bathroom and I nearly did in the living room. Luckily my human found me and helped me into my tray. Its not nice. It aches a lot. I hope I feel better soon so I don't have to visit the horrible man who squeezes me and puts things in my bottom.

I miss my human today. When I feel ill I just want to be near her and have strokes. She was very kind this morning.

Do you ever get the feeling that no one is listening to you? That’s how I felt this morning. I was wailing and crying at my human’s door for food but with no response. I honestly thought I would starve to death, right there and then. Then she’d feel bad. Oh yes. Then she’d wake up to find me slumped weakly against her bedroom door. Then she’d scoop me up in her arms and feed me all the most wonderful treats she could lay her hands on. I’d get cuddles and special strokes. She wouldn’t leave me all day like she usually does.

Anyway, this morning after I was fed I didn’t really feel like hanging about with my human. What with the whole ignoring thing. So I went straight to the room with the numerous sleeping spots. I started out high up on a big shelf. It’s a great view from up there. I could see my human in the food room making lovely smelling goodies. She makes the same every morning. I tried to resist but I couldn’t take it any longer. I jumped down and flirted. She loves it when I flirt. I didn’t get any treats but I did get some great strokes and fusses. That made me happy.

Anyway, she’s out again now. So is my sister. I’m not allowed out as often. I don’t know why.

So today I’m busy with some cat naps. I may do a bit of washing later on. My tail looks a bit raggedy. But I’m not going to stress. Just take it easy.

It’s a cats life…..

What a wonderful day. I love the sun. I’m not really allowed out in it though. My human always sprays my ears with icky goo and then chases me if she sees me lounging in a sunny spot. I’m not risking another trip to that scary place where I have to look at dogs.

I feel like telling you all a bit about myself. My name is Pooky. Or woppsy woo, or poops, or little shit sometimes. They love me really. I’m a gemini, and quite a typical one at that. I love to play and zip about the house in a frenzy. It makes my human laugh too. Which always makes it more fun. I’m sociable and love to flirt. Although, daddy food man doesn’t like it when I put my rear end near him. He gets very upset.

I have a sister called Columbus. She’s my non identical twin. She is very dark and brooding. We fight a bit but we love each other really. I’m the dumb blonde, she’s the clever brunette. She likes to read a lot. At the moment she’s reading Bonfire of the Vanities. She took it from new male human who makes nice smelling food’s shelf. We don’t have a lot in common, apart from being cats.

I was born in a garage in Headington. My mums name was Puss. She passed on a few years ago. She was very sick. It was sad seeing her like that. She’s the one who found my human. I’ve known my human since I was 2 days old. We share a special bond.

My favourite hobbies are chasing things, shredding paper and biting the end of pens when people are writing. I also love to eat. My favourite food at the moment is anyone elses but mine! Meeeee heeeeeow.

In my spare time I also do psychic readings for myself and others. I have predicted that for dinner this evening I will be eating Iams disgusting boring dry biscuits. Hint hint.

Deeary me, this updating is very tiring. I feel a nap coming on. That sofa is looking very inviting.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I sense stress at home. My human isn’t happy. Her eyes were wet last night. I hope she will be ok soon. I don’t like it when she’s sad.

In other news, the noisy other male human who makes nice smelling food is at home all day today. He stays in his room all the time. I wonder what goes on in there. I’ve never been in to have a look. I’m not allowed.

It started off well this morning. I had a nice comfortable spot on the bed. The big covers were all messed up so were even softer. But I’ve been moved now and the door has been closed. I’m not allowed in there during the day.

I think I’ll do some divination today. I have a wart on my neck. My human was so worried about it. She kept poking it. Then she put me in the basket and took me to the scary place where the humans stick things up your bottom and squeeze you hard. Sometimes they put needles in your neck. I don’t like it there one bit. In one room I have to sit and look at dogs. DOGS! I ask you. What is the world coming to?

Anyway, the scary man told her it was a wart and not to worry. She doesn’t listen to me. I tried to tell her. My wart is very special. It has psychic powers. I use it to see into the future and predict what will be happening for dinner, or for breakfast. Sometimes I use it for greater things but that takes a lot of energy. They laugh at me when they see me tuning in. I go into a deep staring trance. Staring at walls is best – no distraction – and then I think deeply until the pictures come to me.

They want me to use my powers for the world cup. By the way, I am supporting Trinidad and Tobago. They just seemed very interesting to me. I chose them via the psychic wart.

Well, that’s my update for now. I hope you all enjoy your day. I’m getting sleepy.

Today started off purrfectly. I cuddled up in bed with my human. She’s so warm in the morning. I like to get inside the big cover and curl up around her. She looks so happy when I do that. I get lots of lovely strokes and kisses.

Then she got up and disappeared for a while. That wasn’t fun. But I did get my breakfast. To be honest, I’m getting rather sick of the same old thing. I keep throwing it up but they don’t seem to get the hint.

Today so far I’ve done quite a bit of resting. I started on my human’s bed but as she went out she moved me. I try to pretend I’m fast asleep and shouldn’t be moved but she never falls for it.

I managed to rest a little on top of the box of pictures. Its usually warm but today its cold. I don’t think its been in use yet. Then I moved to the sofa. That is always comfortable but then the new noisy male human came back in and interupted me. He makes lovely smelling food though. I do pull my best hungry face but he never goes for it.

I’m not sure of my afternoon nap plans. I’m sure they will be extremely tiring.

Today is Monday.

The day started off as normal. An early start, waking up my humans for breakfast and then some lounging around. Sadly it is raining today so there will be no sun spots to sit in. But I find the top of the TV is adequate for keeping my bottom warm.

This is my first live journal entry. I will try to update every day but my life can become very hectic which makes it difficult.